Thursday, June 3, 2010

DO NOT add 'un' into 'certainty'

no, it's not easy. yes, it's definitely a struggle. i've contemplated to walk away, countless times. pride stopped me. i cannot quit my current chosen job, not with nothing in sight yet. maybe, maybe it is easier to let go when nothing solid is built, yet? no, i cannot let my clients down. problem is, the paradigm shift from employment to doing your own things takes longer than expected (and needed) for me. was way too comfortable doing routine jobs, finish up tasks given by boss, completing expected workloads and go off for the day. quietly anticipating the arrival of Fridays and dread the fast appearance of Mondays. my life has been far too comfortable.

i'm feeling the pinch of slow income building. feeling the pain of needing to adjust, manage my own time and workloads. it's all still quite a blur, management skills still suck, paperwork fails me. i am clearly a person who prefers to go out dancing (figuratively) than sitting in the office, writing reports on the different steps and techniques of a dance routine.

weird how when i am slowly beginning to settle down, other job opportunities show themselves. client i went to see offered me a job, my ex boss asked me to have a think of going back, and lina from jobstreet sent me interview requests. funny how life works, aint it? i know better, it's a test. a test of the will, a test of the perseverance, a test of character.

everything happens for a reason. it's like how i blindly stumble into Prudential, i always knew deep inside of me, it has a deeper meaning and a bigger picture to it. it's like how i got to know so many new friends by chance, and make effort to keep in contact, by choice. perks of the job, really.

am i tough? i better be

2 comments:

the Constantly Dramatic One said...

It it makes you happy then stay, if it doesn't then walk away.

senorita.. said...

it's not a matter of happy or sad. i'm feeling suffocated because i do not free myself. i am afraid to let go, try new things, make it work. i very damn well know what is my problem but i dont face it, nor do i do anything abt it. i need to change that. apparently change is not quite so easy for me