hell/earth/heaven

Maybe this world is another planet’s hell. -Aldous Huxley

this means that our world may not be so bad after all... if we are another planet's hell, another world could be our hell.we got it good here compared to wherever that may be..

i'm not easily comprehensible.

it's frustrating and annoying right?

the wrong is only wrong to the person who sees it as a wrong. when you choose to see it right, it will be right.

and maybe i won't

i must remember, or consciously remind myself to not put off writing when i feel like doing it. there were a few thoughts that i've wanted to pen down these past few weeks but i put them all at the back of my mind and i never did. maybe it's not an entirely bad thing, if it's important or of enough significance, i will put it down at one of my vaults, somehow, one way or another, at some point in my life.

it's a keepsake, really. every single thoughts written in all my blogs are meant to serve as memories of times past. i want to be able to read back and relive the emotions that i've felt when i was writing the thoughts, experiencing the story. i want to be able to cry, laugh and shock myself at all the life experiences that i've gone through.. the times of silliness, immaturity and unstable hormones. and maybe, one day, i'll read some of my posts to my kids as their bedtime story.. maybe, just maybe.

the one on lemons

there is often no definite right or wrong answers in life. there is always a choice, if not choices. i think i can go to the extend of saying everything can be decided in accordance to a choice, or against an option. even when a terrorist points a gun to your head, threatening you to do something, you can choose to do it or not. it's a choice.

so when friends made passing remarks about my boobs, i often laugh with 'em. then almost quite regularly i will recap on what happened and re-evaluate the comments. 'should i flip? was he being rude? was he being sexist? it wasn't disrespectful, was it? hmmmm' all these thoughts will then flood my head.

a recent example is when a friend casually commented about me having to go for interviews and that the interviewer will probably be focusing on you-know-where, rather than looking into my eyes, if he was a male. honestly, i was quite taken aback when i hear that. firstly, i don't think my assets are that big a deal to make such impact (unless of course i show up for interview in low cut blouse complemented with push-up bra) and secondly, quite naively it didnt occur to me the subject of opposites attract, u know? male interviewing female candidates. i was focussed on it being a formal thing, employer to potential employee rather than male vs female encounter. the raw feeling of my hearing that was uneasiness, bordering at anger. 'did he just referred to me as a piece of meat to be auctioned? flesh on displayed to be ogled at and sold to the highest bidder?' and thankfully before my vicious conscience is able to feed my anger anymore, the other voice inside of me whispered 'hey, it's not like that. it's better to have assets than to have nothing at all. it's better to have been accepted to fill a position than be unemployed with the bills piling.' right..? right......!

so you see, i can make use of the situation to my advantage, or i can fight it and resist acknowledgement. but why make life so hard when it's supposed to be easier given the lemons?

'when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade!' right...? right!

ps: having blogged this, i sincerely think that none of my interviewers gawked at my lemons. and i'm pretty sure that i do not have to thank my lemons for the job that i've secured.

pps: before you start imagining (or worse, speculating..), my lemons are of decent Malaysian girls' size. it's urm, more outstanding coz of my small frame.

ppps: this is my view, and my views only. i'm not saying it is okay to make use of assets(whatever it is that you have) to secure a job/get something a person wants. kthxbai

so many half baked ideas, so many distractions, so much time, nothing written. hmmmm