maybe, i'm afraid of myself.

one could be 'not in service'

there's really two ways of looking at things.

when you come across a motel that's full. you could either think 'it's disgusting. people are taking time off to fuck each other's brain out. adulterous pigs, sinners!'... OR you could think 'so much love in the world, motels are all full'.

read me wise. i'm trying to say you choose how you want to think, and how you want to look at the world, at problems, at issues, at people, at situations, at yourself.

less is more

source: PostSecret

where less is actually more...

when there's crack lines. hurry up to rebuild it. before it is too late.

the business of pleasure

ever thought of asking for payment after sex? or maybe negotiate on the payment before sex? no, i'm not citing a transaction between a whore and a customer. not the typical business transaction between two individuals engaging in the business of pleasure. what i'm saying is merely a suggestion on how to inject spice into your sex lives.

give it a thought. play the role of a dirty whore, when you know 'somehow' you're being paid for your service, you'll assume the role of the temptress, the sex goddess (perhaps you could 'charge' RM10,000 per night) and deliver the kind of 'service' a high class escort of RM10,000/night will deliver. the control, the confidence, the power over the man paying you.. the eagerness. of course, it's a make-believe confidence and make-believe role-play. but, if you allow yourself to let loose and immerse fully into the role that you are playing, you'll be in for surprises.. minx aren't born, they are made.

it's not hard to spice up mundane sex lives, really. just takes a little bit of imagination, a little enthusiasm, a little adventure and a very hungry mind.

read beyond the story, read between the lines

Opportunity dances with those on the dance floor. -- Anonymous

how to dance? when i'm constantly feeling the paranoia of not being able to dance as good as the others? the worry of my heels breaking, my skirt tearing, my dance moves going haywire and that the crush of my life will find me disgusting. it's like high school prom all over again.

the other problem that adds to the confusion is a mixture of disapproving looks from the teachers, mom choosing my prom dress (*gasp* horror, i know), mom curling my hair to resemble the 70s star and mom doing my make up! dad driving me to the prom while my brother stood guard the entire time. - read: red tapes.. not making the process of making a choice any easier.

yeah, it's easy to say 'take a leap of faith, take the plunge, why not just do it?'. i wish i can.. but deep down i know the answers to all the 'why not'.

the safe

i dont have a consistent vault. i dont confide in the same person for all issues. different selected individuals know different aspects and deepest darkest secret in my life. it’s safer not to have one person holding THE key to my closet.

i practice keeping many vaults, different places, filled in at different times. you’ll have to find these individuals and read from these vaults to wholly grasp my essence of being..