zombies live on saturday mornings

like what Thye Chuan said, 'Everyday is a learning experience'.

something happened on Friday, it was like i experienced an epiphany of sort. unlike a certain Alexandra Wallace, my epiphany wasn't interrupted.

it was an experience that i suddenly realise that 'hey, i can actually do this!'

right, i know. this post makes no sense whatsoever. thanks for reading, it's one of those brainless saturday morning posts.

we adopt habits as long as we live

a new habit that i've adopted. to check on work emails on sunday nights. i've long noticed that i could be quite the workaholic if i didnt put myself on checks.

coinciding with my believe for passion.

we respect ourselves the way we treat our work and the way we perform, the way we live life. utmost respect when we do things correctly and walking the extra mile. no, i don't think i'm stupid nor having a lot of wishful thoughts.. i know i can be somebody and go somewhere, just gotta work towards it, and work along the lines of dreams and aspirations.

i'm not stupid, i just need to get sorted out.

the one on lemons

there is often no definite right or wrong answers in life. there is always a choice, if not choices. i think i can go to the extend of saying everything can be decided in accordance to a choice, or against an option. even when a terrorist points a gun to your head, threatening you to do something, you can choose to do it or not. it's a choice.

so when friends made passing remarks about my boobs, i often laugh with 'em. then almost quite regularly i will recap on what happened and re-evaluate the comments. 'should i flip? was he being rude? was he being sexist? it wasn't disrespectful, was it? hmmmm' all these thoughts will then flood my head.

a recent example is when a friend casually commented about me having to go for interviews and that the interviewer will probably be focusing on you-know-where, rather than looking into my eyes, if he was a male. honestly, i was quite taken aback when i hear that. firstly, i don't think my assets are that big a deal to make such impact (unless of course i show up for interview in low cut blouse complemented with push-up bra) and secondly, quite naively it didnt occur to me the subject of opposites attract, u know? male interviewing female candidates. i was focussed on it being a formal thing, employer to potential employee rather than male vs female encounter. the raw feeling of my hearing that was uneasiness, bordering at anger. 'did he just referred to me as a piece of meat to be auctioned? flesh on displayed to be ogled at and sold to the highest bidder?' and thankfully before my vicious conscience is able to feed my anger anymore, the other voice inside of me whispered 'hey, it's not like that. it's better to have assets than to have nothing at all. it's better to have been accepted to fill a position than be unemployed with the bills piling.' right..? right......!

so you see, i can make use of the situation to my advantage, or i can fight it and resist acknowledgement. but why make life so hard when it's supposed to be easier given the lemons?

'when life gives you lemon, you make lemonade!' right...? right!

ps: having blogged this, i sincerely think that none of my interviewers gawked at my lemons. and i'm pretty sure that i do not have to thank my lemons for the job that i've secured.

pps: before you start imagining (or worse, speculating..), my lemons are of decent Malaysian girls' size. it's urm, more outstanding coz of my small frame.

ppps: this is my view, and my views only. i'm not saying it is okay to make use of assets(whatever it is that you have) to secure a job/get something a person wants. kthxbai

read beyond the story, read between the lines

Opportunity dances with those on the dance floor. -- Anonymous

how to dance? when i'm constantly feeling the paranoia of not being able to dance as good as the others? the worry of my heels breaking, my skirt tearing, my dance moves going haywire and that the crush of my life will find me disgusting. it's like high school prom all over again.

the other problem that adds to the confusion is a mixture of disapproving looks from the teachers, mom choosing my prom dress (*gasp* horror, i know), mom curling my hair to resemble the 70s star and mom doing my make up! dad driving me to the prom while my brother stood guard the entire time. - read: red tapes.. not making the process of making a choice any easier.

yeah, it's easy to say 'take a leap of faith, take the plunge, why not just do it?'. i wish i can.. but deep down i know the answers to all the 'why not'.

age old debate of want and need

you have to know what you WANT before you can plan/do what you NEED to do.

i don't think i know what i WANT, or whether i WANT it.

it makes total sense

what happened?

'nothing' happened. that's why

have you given your best in the things you do?

if only everyone choose what they do carefully, then do what they choose passionately, work towards being the best in what they do tirelessly, we could be an advanced nation in no time.

too many people let chance happen, let fate decides, let nature rules and let the inner voice stay shut.

too many people follow

i swear to you, my life will get shorter just by dealing with printers!

d-I.S-c

u know DISC? apparently i am a person with high I and S, with very low C. how apt.

i notice this: i blend in well, and people like to hang with me, and oh, i am certified emo kid.

baby steps are wonderful

LIFE is GREAT. it has been a while since i last count the number of days there are till weekend, urge the hands of clock to move faster to reach 5.30pm, wish for the time to pass slower on weekends. it somehow trigger a funny feeling when i see people saying thanks and shouting TGIFriday for the weekend is here. believe it or not, i miss that feeling, somehow. things were simpler, responsibility and weight were lighter those days.

Nevertheless, life has been great. You must agree with me that the 'baby stage' of life is the best. the time we learn new things, explore new ideas, learn how to crawl before learning how to walk and eventually run. times that we were allow mistakes, where people are more tolerant, more forgiving, supportive and open to teach. times where most are teachers and few are competitors. time to cherish, to grow into a SOMEBODY.

'baby time' doesnt mean succumbing to be a 'victim'. we must be an awesome enough baby to take ownership, to take credit and responsibility for all the triumph, all the steps that we have successfully taken or fall that happen. we mustn't blame, fall victim to 'other people's mistake/misguidance/incompetence' and justify our lack of performance. IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOUR TEACHER IS AN ASS, YOU WILL LEARN THE CORRECT WAY TO LIVE, IF YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO CHOOSE AND PICK AND LEARN TO MAKE THE TRICKS YOUR OWN'.


don't fall trap to 'victim syndrome' and don't ever ever miss the chance of being a baby, again. =)

cowardice tragedy

can i do the reverse?

can i be the ULTIMATE LOSER before rising to be a mediocre, and eventually, a winner?

this way, all eyes WILL NOT be ON ME. and i can take my time to work my stratagems.

this is cowardly, right?

leave it to chance, you say?

u know we always hear people talk about 'second chances'. about how we should all forgive and allow another chance for redemption, for good to finally come out of the bad. how a person will actually turn over a new leaf, lead a new life and make worthy of his/her living, start over.

but then i seem to notice that people hardly even make room for any chance, what more when we are talking about second chance.

it seems to be a culture of 'make or break', no more 'trial and error'. it's often 'show me what you got or i'll show you the door'. i guess time constraint and competitive surroundings make no space for compassion.

no wonder people are getting hostile, self-centered and edgy.

i dont want to be like that. but... i will lose out.

DO NOT add 'un' into 'certainty'

no, it's not easy. yes, it's definitely a struggle. i've contemplated to walk away, countless times. pride stopped me. i cannot quit my current chosen job, not with nothing in sight yet. maybe, maybe it is easier to let go when nothing solid is built, yet? no, i cannot let my clients down. problem is, the paradigm shift from employment to doing your own things takes longer than expected (and needed) for me. was way too comfortable doing routine jobs, finish up tasks given by boss, completing expected workloads and go off for the day. quietly anticipating the arrival of Fridays and dread the fast appearance of Mondays. my life has been far too comfortable.

i'm feeling the pinch of slow income building. feeling the pain of needing to adjust, manage my own time and workloads. it's all still quite a blur, management skills still suck, paperwork fails me. i am clearly a person who prefers to go out dancing (figuratively) than sitting in the office, writing reports on the different steps and techniques of a dance routine.

weird how when i am slowly beginning to settle down, other job opportunities show themselves. client i went to see offered me a job, my ex boss asked me to have a think of going back, and lina from jobstreet sent me interview requests. funny how life works, aint it? i know better, it's a test. a test of the will, a test of the perseverance, a test of character.

everything happens for a reason. it's like how i blindly stumble into Prudential, i always knew deep inside of me, it has a deeper meaning and a bigger picture to it. it's like how i got to know so many new friends by chance, and make effort to keep in contact, by choice. perks of the job, really.

am i tough? i better be

can I pretend that airplanes are shooting stars?

it has been a challenging career. just the other day i was in Penang, Intel Worksite Mktg. we had a booth about Will Writing. i seriously didn't know estate planning is so important, imagine the horror when you have a freak accident, died, and all your assets and properties got freezed? oh... the tragedy.

hearing stories about death claims, people with brain tumour, and most recently a lecturer with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE), and how they have benefited from insurance, it gives me so much pride being in this industry.

the industry's a classic case of not knowing the pain when you are not in the shoes, walking on that road.

very few people focus on the protection, people often sell savings plan. you know why? savings plan is hassle free (or so they claim.. simple, agents do not service the client, push them to deal with the company. which is not correct, btw), hits the production goals faster, and the agent gets to go for overseas trips, with just a few big fishes. people don't talk in the 'coverage and protection' language. they sell in terms of 'give me your money, i help you make more money'. this reality makes my job so much tougher. BUT i will survive! you need to hear me loud and clear on this. i will survive.

in the real world, shoes are not tailor-made

i am the architect of my own life blocks, the writer of my own success story. the maker of the ink, the guide of the pen. i am the narrator, the lead actress, both the subject and the object. i am the very whole story. it's just chapter 1.