unpretty

during days when i don't look so pretty, people ignore me.




on days where i look like a million dollars, heads turn, doors are opened and eye balls follow.



this is a superficial world, no doubt.



i had my fair share of head turning experiences to know when it does not happen on unpretty days..

this a piece that was never published

Dear Me,

How have you been? It has been a while since we last spoke, last communicated. It has been a while since we last felt each other’s warmth breath and soft embrace. I missed you, more so today than yesterday. And definitely more when ‘morrow comes as with today.
Enough of the pleasantries.. now tell me, what happened? All these time that we are not in touch, I kept wondering what happened to us? I could not pinpoint the exact time that we drifted, the specific moment or event that took a wrong turn. What happened? Was it internal, external? Was it inflicted, caused or made? How did we drift so far apart without knowing? What happened?

Remember when we used to be one? Used to have so many aspirations, so many wants and wishes and so many ambitions? How we wanted to help make life better for ourselves, family, for society, for people who matter? Remember how we were so afraid of losing sight of goodness and charity in the pursuit of success and wealth? Remember the thoughts we pen down? Remember this circa 2009?

“it worries me. that in the pursuit of a career, a successful career, that i will somehow forget or lose sight about the things i want to do. help i want to offer and comfort i wish to give to those in dire need. satisfactions that i wish to get from seeing someone else's lips curve into a smile, whispers of 'thanks' escaping the mouths of those receiving. gratitude and appreciation in the eyes of the less fortunate. i wish to give, but i'm afraid that i will be too caught up with life and neglect those more in need than i will ever be. i wish that i will never forget this responsibility i put upon my shoulders, to carry out the duty of a civilian, helping another civilian in need. i hope i will always remember... every little act of kindness matters.”

I hope that it is not too late to write to you now. I hope that it is not too late to realize the ambition we once had and to relive the fire and wants now. I hope that we could reconnect and re-synergize. I hope that we could become one again, I hope that I won’t lose you anymore, I hope that you will respond and talk to me again.. I hope that the me 3 years ago could come back to be with the me today..

Lost and wondering,
Me Too

be on the ball

karen, remember the theory of being on the ball? c’mon girl.. don’t slack and trip. don’t fall from on top of the ball.. move and move swift.. roll further, control the ball and not otherwise. 

always be on the ball, essentially you have to always be on your toes to keep the ball rolling. game on. 

Stupid is as stupid does

I think no one is stupid, just not wanting.

Not wanting to know..
Not wanting to succeed..
Not wanting to grow up..
Not wanting to commit..
Not wanting to save..
Not wanting to learn..
Not wanting to be better..
Not wanting to be more competent..
Not wanting to put effort..
Not wanting to listen..
Not wanting to be taught a lesson..
Not wanting to give a chance.

No one is stupid. People are just resisting and not wanting to be cleverer.

security is a state of mind. so create one.

of age and skimpiness

visits to the gym always enlighten me. tai-tais that look like a million dollar, so polished and working out hard. aunties that look like they just punch out of the Accountant's Office, mismatched clothings and waiting for the next Body Combat class. giggly girls, pretty, young, hot and otherwise, some seem composed, others look too much to impress.

makes me wonder.. one pays so much for a premium gym but is clueless on appropriate dress codes. this is what i would like to term as 'victims of situations'. maybe they JUST don't know better. skimpy or otherwise, appropriateness is the basic level before we even go skimpy.

of sex and monologue

and so they say that girls should be modest.. should stay at home. sexual liberation is forbidden, taboo to want sex. to want to fuck, to want to feel a man. bad girls go around, sleep around, have plenty of sex. used, dirty, whores, fucked. and so they say good girls know nothing about sex; ideally.

but shouldn't good girls be those who can take care of their own needs and cravings? and be good at self-pleasure?

if they tell me that absolutely good girls should not have notion of sex at all, it breaks my heart.

they, who? society, perhaps... maybe i am stuck in the time before now.